


Hurt Me Once

by I_can_only_imagine



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Kyle Rayner Needs A Hug, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27055192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_can_only_imagine/pseuds/I_can_only_imagine
Summary: Jason regretted not telling Kyle how much he loved him before he went on that mission.This was all his fault.Kyle regretted not telling Jason how much he loved him before going off on that mission.What had he done?
Relationships: Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd
Comments: 6
Kudos: 115





	Hurt Me Once

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago but didn't really like how it turned out. Tonight I suddenly have no shame and have decided to post it anyways. Enjoy!

_ I love you _ .

Shit, how long had it been since they said that?

It had been a long time. They hadn’t said it when Kyle had to leave for space in the middle of their movie night. They hadn’t said it when he came home a full three months late. They hadn’t said it in all the time he had been home.

Jason regretted not telling Kyle how much he loved him before he went on that mission. 

This was all his fault.

He should have said how much he loved him, but he was so angry that Kyle was leaving him for some battle off in space when they were fine there on earth. It was unfair, and selfish, and petty, and he regretted it more than anything else in his life.

Because Kyle never said it when he came home like he usually did, and Jason was too ashamed to say it himself.

This was all his fault, but when was it not. When did he get to be the one who was mad? Who was hurt? It was clearly against the laws of the universe for Jason Fucking Todd to be upset without the repercussions of refusing even the smallest thing for himself. That’s what it had been, after all. He was never upset with Kyle for having to leave, he was upset with himself for being clingy. This had never been about punishing Kyle, it was about punishing himself.

And now Kyle didn’t want him anymore.

What Jason had intended as a moment to feed into his self destructive tendencies, but in the end it just fed into the destruction of the best thing that ever happened to him.

This was all his fault, and Kyle was going to have every right to leave him when he did.

_ I love you. _

How long had it been since they said that?

Kyle didn’t need to ask, he knew it down to the second. Each minute that passed that they didn’t say it, he felt he was losing more of himself.

If he kept up at this rate, he wouldn’t have his ring anymore.

If he kept up at this rate, he wouldn’t have Jason anymore.

Kyle regretted not telling Jason how much he loved him before going off on that mission.

What had he done?

He should have held Jason. He should have chased away those thoughts Jason was sure to be having. But he hadn’t. He had just stood there, blank faced and already moving on as Jason glared at the table and told him to go. It was never fun to be on the receiving end of Jason’s anger and spite. Kyle had been lucky enough to spend years with Jason forgetting how much his words could bite when they wanted to.

When he came home, Jason had been in bed. Kyle would never mention that he heard Jason’s crying before he opened the door and he turned to indifferent stone. He hadn’t had the heart to tell Jason he loved him when he knew the words would be so weighed with guilt.

What had he done? He had done what he always did when it came to Jason. He shied away from the serious topics and acknowledgment of how much Jason was hurting because he knew Jason. He knew that hurt would turn into anger without a second thought and Kyle would be left living with his mom again and apartment hunting and alone.

Jason didn’t want him anymore.

What Kyle had intended as self preservation ultimately failed. In the end, all it preserved was his dignity of not being the one to crack first. No matter how bad he wanted to crack first.

Jason had every right to leave him for what he had done.

Jason could see it in the way Kyle moved around the apartment. He kept all his things in one place. It would be easier to pack that way. He wouldn’t touch Jason or look him in the eye. It would be easier to say goodbye that way.

Jason moved out to the couch without a word, only a single blanket as comfort. He sept as curled up as he could. As small as he could. God, it was moments like these that he missed being 4’6”.

Maybe if he stayed quiet, small and out of the way, Kyle would decide he wasn’t an immediate problem and would stay. It had never worked with Willis, but Kyle wasn’t Willis, so maybe it would work this time. Maybe Kyle wouldn't try letting him down easy and would just forget he was there.

Kyle tried to stay out of Jason’s way, and it really wasn’t hard.

For a few weeks, the only time he saw Jason was when they went to bed, since there was only one bed in their apartment.

Jason’s shower stuff had disappeared under the bathroom counter and every product had been emptied half way into travel containers Jason kept in his bag. Kyle wasn’t sure if he was showering at Rose’s or Eddie’s but he didn’t think it really mattered.

Jason kept cooking, and always left out a serving for Kyle, but he never ate dinner with him. Kyle would sit there in the silence of their apartment, staring across at the empty seat, Jason’s seat, and as he ate the food that somehow still tasted amazing through his tears.

Kyle waited two nights after Jason never came to bed before checking around the apartment. He found Jason on the couch and it told him all he needed to know. He wasn’t the only one already letting go. He sprawled out on the bed every night after that and tried to take up as much room as he could so that the bed would stop feeling so big. So empty.

There were too many empty spaces. Jason was too absent from everywhere he looked. He was alone.

“I think he’s going to break up with me this week,” Jason whispered into the darkness, leaning further into Dick’s side.

Dick had gone to California to help the Teen Titans with something and invited Jason to his hotel to hang out. When Jason had gotten there, he knew Tim had told Dick there was something wrong, because he didn’t even close the door before Dick was holding him and his vision was blurring.

They ended up on the lumpy couch in front of the tv in a dark room, with Dick trying to hold him to the best of his abilities while Jason blankly watched the movie he had put on. When the movie had ended, they sat in silence and let the tv shut off on its own.

“Why do you think that?” Dick asked.

Kyle was Dick’s friend through Wally and Donna. There was no way Dick would sympathize with his rouge younger brother over someone he knew as a teenager. Still, Jason found himself admitting everything to Dick, rehashing the entirety of the past few months, before saying, “He’s been staring at me this week. He hadn’t even been looking at me for months, and now he just sits there staring at me like a wounded dog. I think he’s finally going to do it.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Dick asked.

Jason shook his head, “It’s okay. Eddie already said I could stay with him if I needed to, and Roy has been taking care of my Star City safehouse.”

“I’m glad you have friends here,” Dick stroked a hand through his hair. “I wish you had stayed on the east coast though. It makes me feel better when I know I can get to you quickly.”

“I have Tim,” Jason said. “We go out to coffee sometimes, and text day and night.”

“I wish he stayed on the east coast too.”

“We’re okay Dickie. I’m okay.”

“Are you really?”

Jason knew he couldn’t lie, “No, but I’ve survived worse than a breakup.”

“I was going to propose to him this week,” Kyle said hollowly, staring down at the velvety dark green box in his hands.

He sat cross legged on the floor across from Hal, only the coffee table separating them. Hal had just gotten back to earth for a break, and asked Kyle to stop by so they could hang out. When Hal saw Kyle’s face and remembered the date, he had put all joking aside and pulled him into the one bedroom apartment.

“I know,” Hal said, a small, sad smile on his face. “I remember how excited you were.”

“We went ring shopping last August,” Kyle nodded. “You, me, Guy and my mom. And you guys went with me when I asked for Talia’s blessing.”

“It’s hard to believe it’s almost been an exact year since then,” Hal said. He handed Kyle the third beer he had requested a few minutes before with hesitation. “What are you going to do about the reservations?”

“I already made them and they’re non refundable,” Kyle shrugged and opened the bottle. “I guess I’ll just ask if he wants to go. Maybe I can fix things then.”

“Maybe. Or maybe this could blow up in your face. You know the bats, they’re not the easiest people to handle.”

“They’re not,” Kyle agreed. “If this relationship has taught me anything, it’s that.”

“Just try and hope for the best. You never know, he could want to fix this just as much as you do.”

“I hope so,” Kyle whispered.

They were at a fancy restaurant Jason couldn‘t be bothered to remember the name of and Kyle had paid too much to forget.

When Kyle had approached him about the reservations he had made for Jason’s birthday the year before, Jason decided he could humor Kyle for one night. Surely Kyle wouldn’t break up with him on his birthday, as much as he wanted him to. He wanted him to do it as soon as he could. He wanted this to be over.

Kyle sat in front of Jason, just taking in the view. It had been a long time since he had seen Jason dressed nicely. Two years to be exact, at Talia’s birthday where both he and Damian were actually fully decked out in green and actual gold silks with expensive jewelry of green sapphires and jades and gold dangling from them in every way it could logically be placed.

He of course hadn’t gone full al Ghul, all of that clothing left at Talia’s home in ‘Eth Alth’eban and severally inappropriate when it came to their civilian identities. Instead he had worn that scarlet dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and the collar open in a way that used to drive Kyle crazy, with a black blazer thrown over it. His hair was ruffled in that way that read as both carelessness and detailed effort, those white tufts in the front made permanent by the contrasting black and red. His eyes were a dark blue-green that was almost grey with long, thick eyelashes feathering over them.

Looking at him like this, dressed in this way, with this lighting, reminded Kyle of why he fell for him in the first place. He was dangerous, and off limits, and absolutely insufferable, and everything Kyle had ever wanted.

Jason’s fingers drummed on the table and he noticed Kyle staring at them. He took a deep breath, knowing Kyle was probably assessing the blood that invisibly stained them.

Kyle noticed Jason’s fingers drumming on the table and stared at them. He wanted so badly to put the ring he always carried in his pocket on that ring finger. He wanted to watch the ring catch the light of the low hanging stained glass lamp above their table every time Jason’s fingers rose and fell and tapped like that. Jason stopped drumming his fingers, pulling Kyle out of his daydream.

“We’ve been waiting for our food for an hour now,” Jason mumbled, propping his head on his first to stare out the window. He was filled to the brim with defeat, but Kyle interpreted the expression as boredom.

“They’re pretty busy tonight,” Kyle offered. “If I had known it would be like this even on a weekday, I would have picked a different restaurant.”

“Why did you pick this place?” Jason asked without looking back at him. “Neither of us are really the fancy type-”

“I know I know,” Kyle cut him off. “You would have preferred ordering a pizza and staying in our pajamas all day, but it wasn’t really an option.”

Jason went quiet. Kyle figured he was getting angry with him for cutting him off. Really, he was just trying to concentrate on keeping his breath steady.

“Sorry,” Jason eventually said.

“You’re forgiven. Now stop pouting,” Kyle said, trying so hard for the teasing tone that used to make Jason roll his eyes and smile. It’s only effect now was Jason’s scowl deepening and him finally looking back to Kyle.

“I’m not pouting,” Jason said, voice carefully controlled. “I’m annoyed.”

“I can ask a waiter to check on our food,” Kyle offered.

“It’s not the food.”

“We could leave and pick up pizza on the way home,” Kyle tried again.

“It’s not about the restaurant,” Jason said, frustration finally leaking into his voice.

“Then what is it?” Kyle asked.

“It’s you,” Jason snapped.

Both of them went silent, just staring at each other like they were waiting for something. What they were waiting for, they didn’t know. Maybe for the other shoe to drop.

“What?” Kyle ended up asking.

“It’s you,” Jason repeated, voice defeated. He dropped his eyes down to the table cloth. His shoulders were hunched in and his hands were clasped under the table. Kyle wondered why it had taken him this long to notice Jason was trying to make himself smaller.

“I wish you would just get it over with. That’s why I’m annoyed,” Jason said. “I thought I could do this, that I could wait you out, but I can’t. You just keep ignoring it and I feel like I’m going to explode.”

“What am I ignoring?” Kyle asked, even though he knew. He knew, and he didn’t know why he asked, but he did.

“ _ This _ ,” Jason said. “Whatever is going on between us. I know you don’t want me anymore, so can you please stop trying to let me down easy and just do it?”

Kyle blinked in shock for a minute, taking in the way Jason’s shoulders heaved and trembled. His mind was pulled back to the night he got back home.

Under any other circumstance, he would have been bragging to the other lanterns about how he snuck up on a bat. He had stood there outside the bedroom door listening to Jason sob, and heave, and beg. Back then he had written it off as one of Jason’s nightmares and entered the room, only for Jason to calm down in the blink of an eye and turn empty and blank.

Now that Kyle was watching Jason reign himself in from a panic attack, he realized that night hadn’t been one of Jason’s nightmares. He had been awake, deep in the grasps of his depression and loneliness. Kyle had been the same way back on Oa.

“Jason,” Kyle whispered, as though he were addressing a frightened animal. He reached out and placed his hand flat on the table, palm up, and waited as Jason stared at it, assessing it. Jason examined it for a threat, and only when he found none did he realize Kyle wanted him to copy the motion. He did, and Kyle retracted his hand to his pocket before he continued, “Jason, can you look at me?”

Jason slowly raised his eyes to Kyle’s, looking up at him through those thick lashes. Once again Kyle found himself wishing it was another time. That they weren’t the way they were now, but instead the way they were before he left, on Jason’s last birthday. Back then if Jason had looked at him like that, so shy and careful, Kyle would have forgotten social etiquette and climbed over the table to cup his face and kiss him breathless. It was the kind of thing they had been thrown out of restaurants for before, and Kyle would have no regrets to get them thrown out of this one too.

But it wasn’t back then. It was now, and now Kyle had a job to do.

“I was never going to break up with you because I don’t want to break up with you,” Kyle started. “Do you know why I really brought you here?”

Jason meekly shook his head half way before stopping himself, like he was just remembering, “Because you made reservations last year for my birthday.”

“No.”

Jason’s eyes widened and he seemed taken aback. He was at a loss for words, and a small pride and hope dared to peak into Kyle’s chest.

“I didn’t make this reservation last year for your birthday,” Kyle continued. “I made it for this.”

Kyle pulled the hand out from his pocket, and before Jason could react, he placed the small velvety box in his open hand.

Jason owlishly blinked at the box like he had never received a present on his birthday. When he looked back up at Kyle with the same confusion, Kyle just nodded back to the box.

Gingerly Jason opened the bow, marveling at the softness of the fabric, but also how warm it appeared to be. Kyle had to have been opening and closing the box every day for the kind of wear he was observing.

When the box was open, Kyle watched a range of emotions flash across Jason’s face. Confusion, deeper confusion, shock, bafflement, maybe a few expressions that would go with a select set of curses. In the end, he settled on an expression that might as well have crushed Kyle’s soul.

Silent, thick, and quick tears slipped down Jason’s checks as his face morphed into the most pure and utter heartbreak Kyle had ever seen.

Jason closed his eyes and closed the box, hugging it close to his heart and he broke down completely silently. Kyle reached for him but decided against it at the last second. Then he decided he didn’t care what his anxiety addled brain though and got on one knee beside Jason’s chair and put his arms around him, forcing him to lean down into the embrace.

“I love you,” Jason said, voice broken and whole, lost and found all at the same time.

“I love you too,” Kyle said, pressing their foreheads together. “I know this is the worst time, and we have so much to work through, but you’ve already seen the ring. Will you marry me?”

Jason nodded and hugged the box closer to his chest.

Their food finally arrived, but they were already gone.

Kyle happily watched as Jason’s fingers drummed against the pizza place’s counter, and smiled to himself at the way the harsh fluorescent lights caught on the rind on his finger. A silver band divided down the middle by an emerald ring that connected on top of his finger into a circle. It was an imitation of the green lantern symbol without actually being the green lantern symbol. And it was a promise to Talia, to always tell her son how much he loved him, and to paint him in a new shade of green.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me life so if you liked the story feel free to leave some!  
> Come find me over @what-if-i-imagine on tumblr where my asks, prompts, and requests are always open!


End file.
